Two and 1/2 years ago (April 2012), I closed down my eBay store, Sandy's Collectibles and More, after 9 years. The store was very successful. I loved what I was doing, and I was making money & friends doing it!! I sold mostly crystal goblets & glassware of all kinds. When a buyer searched for a specific brand of goblet, if I had it in my store, I would come up on the same page as Replacements.com in the eBay search. Life was good, and I was enjoying what I was doing. I was good at it too!
In 1999, my mother, who lived with us, had surgery that left her paralyzed from the midsection down. She was 72 years old. I took care of her at home for 3 months, at which time, she had a stroke & had to go into a nursing home. I visited her as ofter as I could, and after a few months, I was her only regular visitor. She passed in 2005, after several visits to the hospital.
In 2006, six months after my mother passed, my father had a stroke that left him unable to speak or write. He had no way to communicate. On top of this, he had dementia, and was very angry. I was the only one who could control him, hence several calls from the nursing home & eventually the assisted living facility, to calm him down. He was 83. I became his Power of Attorney, handling not only his medical issues, but also his financial problems, which unknown to me & my step-mother, were massive. Dad passed away peacefully in September 2008. He donated his remains to the Creighton Medical School, and two years later, he was cremated & his remains returned to me.
Dad's death started a chain reaction. From September of 2008 to March of 2009, I lost two uncles, one aunt, one cousin by marriage, a long time friend to cancer, and a friends 7 yrs old son to cancer.
In 2010, I felt myself sliding into a deep depression & sadness. I had lost so many of my loved ones, seen so much that I never want to see again, dealt with lawyers, doctors, nurses, therapists.....more than I ever wanted to. On top of all of this, I was living with an alcoholic husband, who was killing himself slowly. In 2011 he had a heart attack that nearly killed him. The doctors said his body was already starting to shut down from the alcohol. Two weeks later, I had a complete meltdown.
Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. I felt it happening for more than a year, felt myself sliding, but could do nothing about it, until I finally crashed. I had just made an appointment with a psycologist for the following week, but it was too late. I ended up watching myself break......screaming, crying, shaking, unable to speak, unable to stop. I was in the shower, unable to turn the water off, unable to do anything but stand there hanging on to the shower door.
I stopped doing everything. I closed the ebay store. I stopped going to auctions, thrift stores, out with friends. I stayed home and stayed on the computer all day long. I had no energy. No interest in anything I loved. I also have Fibromyalgia, and it flared to where I could barely move. I was literally a mess. I had one true friend who knew, and stood by me. I have never met her personally, but we talked on the phone many many times. She did what she could to help me.
Fast forward 2 1/2 years, after several therapy sessions & thousands of dollars (after insurance paid), and a lot of hard work, I am back. I have never felt better than I do right now. I had to make some changes in my life, and my husband had to make some serious changes too. He no longer drinks. He has come to the realization that it was killing him. He also realized that if he didn't quit, I was leaving after 44 years of marriage.
The changes I have made; I no longer get heavily involved in politics, I help who I can...but not to the extent that it puts my own well being in jeopardy. I eliminated a few "toxic" relationships, where I was used & not appreciated. I've put me first for once in over 44 years. When I am tired, I take a nap. When I am angry or upset, I will tell you. I am back going to auctions, estate sales & thrift stores!!! And I have reopened my eBay store!!! Again, I am doing something I love, something I thrive on! And it is doing great after only being back for less than 2 months!!!
The moral of this story??? Never let anything or anyone suck the life out of you, or take your joy away. Yes, you will have situations that you will have to deal with, but don't do it alone. No one can take on the problems of the world without damaging themselves.
One person who has helped me see that I am worth loving myself, is a beautiful lady named Aida Bredou. Thank you for all your wisdom dear lady. ~ Sandy
Sandy's Collectibles and More